Trees of AGA

Funny how you can't see the forest for the trees!!!

 For 3.5 years I have taken Omega 3 fish oil, specifically Barleans Omega 3.  Fed up with taking pills for my hair loss and not being able to "see" results, I ended this supplement back in September of this year.  Since then I have noticed my strands getting more and more limp when I hadn't changed anything else in my regimen.  Each week I have watched my hair change texture, resist my trusted roller set and just hang limp with no vitality.  I was reviewing video of my hair from late August and was just in awe of the thickness I saw and asked myself...what the heck happened!!! I have not had breakage or long strand loss, so where did the hair go.  

The hair hadn't "gone" anywhere.  Thanks to my blog, I went back and noted that I ended both purvana, wheat germ oil and fish oil in early September.   Of these three, I felt that I still had the benefits of both wheat germ and purvana in other supplements I have moved on to....but not the fish oil.  My hair was still there but it just wasn't as vibrant, thick or healthy.

I went to the Barleans website and read the label for the product I'd discontinued taking....and sure enough.... among the exepcted ingredients fish oil, and vitamine e...... in the products is soy lecithin and rosemary.  Both of these products have been shown to increase thickness and boost the vitality of hair. Not only does this product help with the general wellness of my body, omega 3 has been shown to increase heart health, lower cholesterol levels and increases eye health!  EYE HEALTH??....I have been having problems with my eyes since September.... Carastasis is dramatic dryness that makes it painful to open the eye  in bright light. I'd seen two doctors and have been taking various steroid eye drops for months to ease the symptoms.  Light bulbs went off!! Fish oil was working for me in more ways than one.  I was so focused on the bald spots that I hadn't noticed the effect of the product on the overall appearance of my hair or my complete well being.  I literally ran out to vitamin shoppe and purchased my old faithful and I'm back on it to stay. I hope to see some return of both my eye health and my hair shine soon.

Being in the forest of AGA has a way of blinding me to much more important things. Not that AGA isn't important but its not the ONLY thing.  Lessen Learned!

Mullet love and other forms of acceptance

I've had a pretty good week with my hair. I'm still very happy with the  relaxer under- processing. Someone asked me how I managed to do it  and honestly it was just a lucky outcome of my desire. I love straight hair, but I've accepted that I can't wear my hair that way as it emphasizes my thinning. So at 12.5 weeks I had to relaxe my hair to prevent long strand breakage but I realized I could control how much I processed.   I parted my hair in sections according to the amount of new growth and I started my process there. For me that's the top- middle of my head, then moving to the front, top and nape. The total processing time was 8 minutes with my nape getting only 3.  My texture feels like it does at about 6-8 weeks and I am very happy with it.  This process won't change my 12 week relaxer schedule so I am interested to see how happy I am at the actual 8 week mark.

Every since my disastrous hair cut of December 2009 when my hair loss accelerated and a stylist cut off my hair into a mullet ( photo below) I have hated trying to tend to and grow out the awfulness.  3 years later I still have the mullet but its significantly longer and much healthier.  It's still a mullet but I have just come to accept that's just how it's going to be for me.

The new found health of my hair has also helped me to be more brave to accept the end of nioxin recharging complex? Yes, three times a charm I hope. No matter what I have to stay firm in getting off this supplement, both for my wallet and my peace of mind. An honest look at things shows me that in three years.... It really hasn't helped with my AGA.  Vellus hairs ( peach fuzz) are not a sufficient reason to keep up with this supplement any longer and I get it now.  So in 30 days or less I will have thinner, stringier and less vibrant hair than today, but honestly, I am ready to accept it.

Getting seemingly closer to accepting my AGA,


Later~ JKPS

Uggh... I have too

This year has been filled with so much discovery about my hair. I've spent countless hours researching black hair, AGA, and products that I honestly can say I am an expert on my hair.  That makes me happy to acknowledge.

I've been stretching my relaxers from the every 4 weeks that I use to do.  Now I have worked my way up to 12 weeks and I feel both excited and sad.  Excited because I achieved my goal.  I can control my hair to my satisfaction for the most part regardless of the condition of the week. Sad because the reality is, there isn't that much to relax at 4-8 weeks like I was doing.  I'm not joking.  There is literally no noticeable growth in my hair until 10-11 weeks. Interesting that I felt the need to relax ever 4 weeks.  What was I relaxing? My nerves apparently.  Any way my hair at 12 weeks has about 1/4" of new growth in some places, and much less in others.  My hair appears noticeably thick and healthy.  No breakage ( this week) and no shedding.  I am nervous to  push the relaxer past 12 weeks as I do not want to temp fate.  I really don't want to relax my hair because I absolutely hate how it feels without the new growth.  hate. it.   yes my hair is longer but the straighted roots also highlight the thinness of my hair.

So, I will relax this week.  I am not looking forward to the process, but I understand my mission: " Protect my ends first, the roots will grow when they are ready" I will section off my hair and process it in stages according to new growth thickness.    I washed, and treated my hair with protein today so that I can straighten my hair and leave it that way until my relaxer at the end of the week. That way, I won't confuse wrinkled roots with new growth and relax it unnecessarily .

a better day today,
~JKPS

Wars, Battles and messages from the universe

A war can go on for years, decades and centuries... Battles are short and are usually decided by quick action one way or another.  The war between me and AGA rages on and I'm losing. I have an iPhone and I'm addicted to taking photos of my hair from some of the craziest angles. This week I zeroed in on the nap and edges of my hair. Both areas are strangely different texture than the rest if my hair. Armpit length sparse, and baby fine,  the nape is so stringy it can barely hold a roller.  It's hard to look at and hard to touch.

My edges are not too too bad but still very unnaturally fine. At this point, only the very middle all the way around my head is the only part that grows. It's so healthy that it's growing enough to cover all of my balding.  So far, it's 1 inch from my bra strap in the back and armpit in the front. I just don't feel much like celebrating the lenght when there's no undergrowth. I can only imagine if I weren't balding.... Sigh.

On top of the war between me and my hair follicles ... I still have "normal hair" problems. This week battle is breakage and dryness. Strange too is that the breakage is localized and fierce. I look at that section of my hair wrong and it snaps. The battle to hang on to what I have hinges on me stopping the breakage and additional damage.  I purchased and used new products that are supposed to curb this condition, but so far....

In "universe news", my co-worker who is Greek and addicted to lifting her dark tresses red told me today that I "have such great hair"  She said its "always so thick , and healthy and I love your curly sets".  After I thanked her, I Thought... I'm not losing, I'm still in the war and I'd better start listing to all the messages that the universe is sending my way and appreciate what I have left.  I keep getting these messages from the universe, always so positive and encouraging. 

 Acknowledged.

later~

It's just how it is

My endo follow up went as expected.  There's nothing wrong with me but I am losing my hair. No thyroid failure, hormone wackiness, blood disorder.  "It's just how it is"  "Some of us lose our hair"  He did sorta of apologize for saying the I was a medical anomaly.  He said that if my biopsy indicates AGA then that's what it is.   He noted that I should just do what I can to hold off the inevitable.   blah, blah.  Seeing a doctor for hair loss seems like a true waste of time, resource and hope.

I can't say I'm not discouraged.  I am.  I can't say that I will give up, because I know I won't. I haven't mapped out a new plan yet.  I haven't decided on a reason to do so. 

Its just hair, I keep saying to myself.  I don't believe it for a minute.  For some of us, fo rme, its so much more.

Pictures dont lie

I've mentioned before that I video diary.  I also photo diary as well.  After ending my relaxer stretch at 11 weeks, which is such a wonderful accomplishment for me, I quickly realized what my thick roots were hiding. Accelerated thinning.

On one hand I look and I see the thinning as "maybe my hair grew and the lenght is weighting my hair down?"  I know better of course, but that 's the little me attempt at optimism

Photos don't lie.  I take tons and tons of pictures of my hair and head.  I have noted that  in addition to the balding occurring all over, I have increased thinning in the rear and receding at the hair line.   The front of my hair is long and wispy and very thin.  My center part is getting wider and wider.  Its as if I am not taking a 14 pill cocktail of various hair loss supplements every day, without fail.

Honestly, its out of my hands. I thought at one point, it was within my power to slow my hair loss, but  I acknowledge now, that it isn't. 

There isn't anything more I can do.  These days tick slowly by and my spirit is beyond damaged but I will keep up my appearance. I will keep taking really good care of my hair until its all gone.

later~

Ambushed

AGA is a nasty condition to have for any person, man or woman. But a woman, especially one whose has enjoyed a decent amount of happiness associated with it....to lose hair....theres so much more than the hairl loss when it goes.

The randomness, the silence, the inevitability of the hair loss has been crippling for me. My ego, my self awareness and my esteem have been badly damaged as  I struggle with my emotions, often becoming so disgusted with my head that I am moved to tears.

Last night I was out with friends... sitting in a lounge, enjoying the music,  I was happy and having a good time.  I wasn't the least bit of disappointed  or concerned with the appearance of my hair.  I happened to touch my hair to shift it from my neck and it that moment, all of my angst came flooding into my good spirit...I felt a new, completely bald spot on my head.  This occurrence has happened quite frequently but  I will never get use to the feeling, or the surprise. I sat there touching it, feeling so surpised to find it there, wondering if anyone could see it. I have about 6 areas of serious difuse and nearly smooth areas, its getting pretty hard to hide them all.

So I was ambushed again....brought back to the awareness of my situation.  Right there, I was done. I immediately wanted to leave and head home.  In these moments there is no comfort for me.  Nothing can be said.  I just try to keep moving....but not before I cry it out a bit.

I will try to end on a positive note...I had a happy moment yesterday when I saw this photo of my hair.  No smooth spots visible.

~ later

"ok yes, it's thinning but"

My mommy is here! There's isn't another person on this planet that I love and cherish more than my mom, my grandma is a close second. I've been anxiously awaiting her arrival in part because there isn't another person on this planet( besides me) that I trust with my hair.

 I got my long awaited trim today. My mom does not hold back.... "yes it's thinning but its a sign of the times...at least for you anyway, we lose our hair" as she trimmed away the wild and crazy ends of my hair, she told me my grandmother is very upset about her hair. Apparently not at all at peace with her hair loss. My lineage that contains non- chalance abut hair skipped my mom and flowed directly from my grandmother to me. My grandmother is in advanced staged of AGA. She's completely bald except for our trademark curly section in the lower rear of her head. She wears a topper and apparently complains quite a bit about the loss of her hair.

 My mom has much less tolerance for the hair loss woes of my Grand who is 85+ than she does for me who is 42. She actually made me laugh as she gave me her opinion of my hair. She pointed out that non thinning folk pay a lot of money to have hair like mine. She said that my hair was beautiful and thriving, at least the parts that aren't bald yet, so I should just keep my focus on the better parts as there is nothing I can do about the rest.

 I didn't cry, even though she would have allowed me to. I knew I had new thin spots and I  didnt expect her not to see them and tell me they're there. Honestly I didn't want to cry. I don't have to be brave with her. I can be my self. Maybe the lack off tears welling up in my eyes was a sign that I already knew, maybe, just maybe she is right? I am so many more things than balding.

Maybe I'm closer to accepting this AGA than ever before. I sure hope so.  I'm exhausted.

I love her!