Look back to keep looking forward.

Things are looking and feeling better this week. I relaxed my hair and successfully under processed it to my satisfaction. No super straight roots that show my thinning, just gently relaxed roots that have kept enough texture to mask the smooth spots.

My hair grew a bit during this 12 week stretch. It's bra strap in the back, just past armpit on the sides and shoulder length bangs but most importantly it's healthy.  I am very happy with it for the most part and feel very good about my chances for controlling my AGA.  At this point I realize that all I can do is hold AGA back as long as possible, protect my ends and work on my hair loss from the inside out.

Sometimes I need a reminder of my journey and my success so a look back is order.

The top photo is of my hair my last October 2011. The second photo is from October 2012.

October 2012

These photos show me outstanding progress and give me a real reason to keep my focus and keep  believing in my goal. I will keep looking forward as  I believe I will prevail over AGA!

Later~ JKPS

I'd better figure something out

This is my hair yesterday after my mega wash session. It's growing pretty well and I'm glad I take these photos so that I don't miss it. It's growing steadily in some places and not at all in others. Right now with this mullet,  I need to figure out how to get it off my shoulders without looking "mangy".  I've not been able to wear my hair in a protective style that is able to both protect my ends and hide my thinning. Right now, my curly sets still work but as my hair grows longer I know my ends are rubbing my clothes, chairs and everything else my back touches.

 I actually need to decide weather my goal is to keep it growing or cut it to a thicker length. I know this sounds crazy but I feel as if the longer it gets the thinner it looks. It's beyond me how the same head of hair can be thriving and balding at the same time.  I'm 11 weeks post relaxer and I barely have a 1/4 inch of growth. So sad. I get it more and more each day that my focus is to keep working (even if in vain) on the bald spots but try my all to retain the growth

Looking at this photo I see progress and secrets. My focus and dedication is working where it can. The rest is hidden away behind the shine and health.  You'd never know by looking at me that I'm balding and for those thriving follicles I am deeply thankful.

Never give up!

My mother finally let me get my hands on her hair this weekend!!1

My mom has AGA and she has given up.  She wears her hair in a wild and crazy wash n's go and doesn't dye.  ( yes @the visual).

The weekend I offered to "do my thing" to her hair...and she let me.

I prepooed, steamed, chelated,  acidified, dyed! and then deep condition it again!  After a trim and a nice roller set..... the look on her face was worth every second of the four hours that all of that took.  She said, " I look like I use to look'!! " "My hair is so soft and bouncy!"  She changed her clothes and put on makeup so I could take her picture.  PRICELESS.

There is a lesson here for me.  I've always said it....NEVER GIVE UP!  I will make sure that every day, these thinning strands get my love and focused care.  I will never stop trying to reverse my hair loss.  I will never stop trying to make my hair look and feel its very best.  The cost of ambivalence is much too high.

My Mom does care how she looks!  (.... just as I thought) She just accepted that there was nothing she could do about her AGA and gave up.  I won't let her.  I love her too much.  She has now agreed to allow me to do her hair every time she comes to see me ( ...err her grand kids) and I will happily oblige.

My heart grew bigger and my spirit got stronger!

"ok yes, it's thinning but"

My mommy is here! There's isn't another person on this planet that I love and cherish more than my mom, my grandma is a close second. I've been anxiously awaiting her arrival in part because there isn't another person on this planet( besides me) that I trust with my hair.

 I got my long awaited trim today. My mom does not hold back.... "yes it's thinning but its a sign of the times...at least for you anyway, we lose our hair" as she trimmed away the wild and crazy ends of my hair, she told me my grandmother is very upset about her hair. Apparently not at all at peace with her hair loss. My lineage that contains non- chalance abut hair skipped my mom and flowed directly from my grandmother to me. My grandmother is in advanced staged of AGA. She's completely bald except for our trademark curly section in the lower rear of her head. She wears a topper and apparently complains quite a bit about the loss of her hair.

 My mom has much less tolerance for the hair loss woes of my Grand who is 85+ than she does for me who is 42. She actually made me laugh as she gave me her opinion of my hair. She pointed out that non thinning folk pay a lot of money to have hair like mine. She said that my hair was beautiful and thriving, at least the parts that aren't bald yet, so I should just keep my focus on the better parts as there is nothing I can do about the rest.

 I didn't cry, even though she would have allowed me to. I knew I had new thin spots and I  didnt expect her not to see them and tell me they're there. Honestly I didn't want to cry. I don't have to be brave with her. I can be my self. Maybe the lack off tears welling up in my eyes was a sign that I already knew, maybe, just maybe she is right? I am so many more things than balding.

Maybe I'm closer to accepting this AGA than ever before. I sure hope so.  I'm exhausted.

I love her!

"My apologies for flipping my hair"

I've been dealing with AGA for a serious 3 years.  I've seen countless doctors, herbalists and specialist, most of which were completely clueless about what AGA is, what an androgen is? why certain products will work on certain types of hair loss and not others.  I found myself using my hard earned co-pay money schooling them on AGA.  I finally met a doctor last year who was anything but unaware of her clueless-ness.  She has been a wonderful partner and advocate for me and my plight.  She respects my research, my focus, my questions and my willingness to try almost anything to hold off the inevitable. She has not once let her lack of knowledge about AGA affect her care and treatment of mine.

I had a follow up with her this week and as we discussed my new bald spots and hair loss concerns, she flipped her hair.  She was immediately aware that I may be sensitive to such a effortless and silly thing as someone flipping their hair, but none the less offered me her apology, "my apologies for flipping my hair, I don't mean to be insensitive"  I hadn't noticed the flip and I was more embarrassed that she felt the need to apologize for something that was not meant to be harmful in any way. 

I wondered, do I appear so fragile to this medical confidant that she felt I would be reduced to worry or tears are she stroked and flipped her gorgeous waist length hair? Geez, really?  I thought I hid my issues pretty well from most.  I admit I noticed her hair many times. Its literally waist length, raven colored, thick and healthy.  She appears to be my age, holding up well and very attractive.  Of course I have a teeny bit o' hair envy and would love to flip mine...if I wasn't afraid a bald spot would show.!

"no worries"  I said.  "I'm ok". And I was.  I then quickly moved our conversation back me, my plight and her recommendations for the next year.  I honestly appreciated the small recognition that I am in pain and anguish over my hair loss and even the smallest amount of compassion and understanding is greatly welcomed.

later~

Video Honesty

I started recording myself on my ipad about two months ago. It has become a good hair diary providing a solid look back at my hair on  a regular basis. A few observations, first, I am very critical of my hair but very honest and sincere. I.e. if it feels like straw, I say so. Second, my hair is thickening and growing and has vitality, despite the thinning. Yes the bare spots are very visible beneath the dark hair but at least I stop crying. I try my best to make sure my hair looks and feels the best possible. So here's to having a more positive outlook despite my challenges. Yes I'm thinning and ultimately will be bald, but right now it doesn't look so bad. Later