AMAZON Reviewer

I write uncompensated product reviews on Amazon.com.  If you are interested in knowing how a product I've tried worked for me and my hair, please check me out!  My ID is JKPS.

Thank you for your checking out my blog!

"My apologies for flipping my hair"

I've been dealing with AGA for a serious 3 years.  I've seen countless doctors, herbalists and specialist, most of which were completely clueless about what AGA is, what an androgen is? why certain products will work on certain types of hair loss and not others.  I found myself using my hard earned co-pay money schooling them on AGA.  I finally met a doctor last year who was anything but unaware of her clueless-ness.  She has been a wonderful partner and advocate for me and my plight.  She respects my research, my focus, my questions and my willingness to try almost anything to hold off the inevitable. She has not once let her lack of knowledge about AGA affect her care and treatment of mine.

I had a follow up with her this week and as we discussed my new bald spots and hair loss concerns, she flipped her hair.  She was immediately aware that I may be sensitive to such a effortless and silly thing as someone flipping their hair, but none the less offered me her apology, "my apologies for flipping my hair, I don't mean to be insensitive"  I hadn't noticed the flip and I was more embarrassed that she felt the need to apologize for something that was not meant to be harmful in any way. 

I wondered, do I appear so fragile to this medical confidant that she felt I would be reduced to worry or tears are she stroked and flipped her gorgeous waist length hair? Geez, really?  I thought I hid my issues pretty well from most.  I admit I noticed her hair many times. Its literally waist length, raven colored, thick and healthy.  She appears to be my age, holding up well and very attractive.  Of course I have a teeny bit o' hair envy and would love to flip mine...if I wasn't afraid a bald spot would show.!

"no worries"  I said.  "I'm ok". And I was.  I then quickly moved our conversation back me, my plight and her recommendations for the next year.  I honestly appreciated the small recognition that I am in pain and anguish over my hair loss and even the smallest amount of compassion and understanding is greatly welcomed.

later~

Enough hair

Nioxin has been either discontinued or is being reformulated. Either way, it's very difficult to find at a reasonable price. Today I found two bottles in a small BSS. As I checked out a very cute guy said ...." What, you want more hair? , "you have a head full, don't you have enough?" At first I thought his comment was a pass but then I thought..."well, do I ?" I just smiled at him and said " yes I do and I'm trying to keep it!" Now, my answer was a bit telling.... Do I really think that I have enough? If I do, then why do I want more?

 I guess it's a matter of perspective. When I look at my hair I see the balding. I feel desperate, pitiful and sad at the randomness of my hair loss. In my sorrow, Am I missing the vibrancy, growth, thickness and progress that others tell me they see? Here Was a stranger pointing out what he thought was obvious... I have enough hair. I'm supposed to be "thinking it true" And although I didn't put any negativity out there in my words; was the mere purchase of hair growth vitamin enough to fall off my " Truth wagon? When will I have "enough" hair to feel good about leaving the house without a combover? I'll need to think on that awhile. I really don't have those answers. Yet.

Throwing Rocks

I have a friend who back about 3 years ago decided that she and my other friends had had enough of me being sad and sick over my hair. She decided to speak for the group and herself to tell me that I need to snap out of it and let it go. It's just hair and should not be affecting me this way. Now on the surface It could seem to some that she could be right. But the reality who is she or anyone else to tell me or anyone else how to feel about themselves or what energy at chose to spend as they see fit?

 I've found that people feel very strongly about their hair. Either they strongly support the energy and focus they spend on their hair or they strongly support the position of no energy and focus on hair. I've also found it to be true that the amount and condition of the persons own hair weights heavily on where they are in the argument.

 My friend doesn't put much focus on her natural hair.   She's never very had much of it, has never really taken care of it herself and has worn weaves for much of the time period that I've known her. I find a good bit of hypocrisy in her arguments that hair "doesn't matter" . First... If hair doesn't matter then why spend so much of your energy and financial resources purchasing, installing and maintaining weave? If it doesn't matter... Why do you feel the need to weave at all? Why does it bother you so much that other women, like me, don't mind speaking about their own? So I was very defensive when she recently stated that she just doesn't " get it" why do you spend so much time on your hair? " really, I said?..with firm silence. "I guess to each his own" she said. I ended the conversation with her right there, As I could feel the anger swelling in my spirit.

 Now I care for her, so I chose not to go completely in and set her straight  She seems jsust as sensitve about her hair choices as I do mine.    I am aware that her ignorance and intolerance for the energy and focus that I choose to spend on myself pales in comparisons to the amount she spends on herself  and talking down something that is important to me. So I let my silence speak for me... When she didn't hear any defense from me.... She said I guess to each his own.

You're damn right.  I thought living in a glass house when you like to throw rocks must suck.
 Lesson... Respect and Tolerance for others along with a closed mouth can be priceless.

Thinking it true

I just changed the description of my blog and removed the word balding.  Its not that it's not true, but I am going to try to think into reality..... " I know my efforts will work",   "I know the products will work"  " I know it doesn't look that bad".

Now there is no guarantee that any of this is true but I am going to try my darnedest to make it true. I am trying to believe it and think it into reality.  That doesn't mean that I can't see whats real, but I am going to try to see things as I want them to be...if only for awhile.

I am realizing that I am so very much more than balding.  I am smart, successful funny and most importantly  a very good mommy to my kids which is so much more important than the fact than I'm balding. So its removed.  A very good step I think towards thinking it true.

later~

Sounding crazy

Last night while having a conversation with a friend who has recently decided to wear her natural, I realized that I may be sounding crazy. Not everyone shares my gentle but focused approach to caring for my fragile hair. I mean it's just hair right? I've heard so many times that:

1. You're waaayy too concerned about your hair
2. It's just not that serious, is it?
3. Everyone's hair comes out at some point.
4. Just get a weave or wear a wig.
5. What is AGA anyway, how do you know you have it?
6. But you have beautiful hair, what's the big deal?
7. Well it could be worse, you could be completely bald.


All of these comments were made to me by people who love me. I'm sure they meant no harm, its likely that most of them though they were giving me a compliment.  The reality of AGA is that you cannot know how it feels unless it happens to you. Someone like me with my seemingly healthy vibrant hair "complaining" about not feeling pretty because I'm balding usually garners serious eye rolling. But it's real to me and that's really all that matters. I cope some days better than others. I do wish there was more understanding from those I love of how I feel, but yesterday showed me there really isn't.

So I have this teeny blog where I get to say how I feel about my situation on any given day without any neck rolling side eyes. ( not that I can see anyways)

 Later~

Nioxin and reality checks

This wasn't a good hair week. I noticed two new smooth spots on my scalp. I don't know how much longer I can hold off this AGA. The new spots aren't obvious to see but I can feel them there. All week I kept adjusting my hair to cover them. The good news is, I didn't cry. There's nothing I can do! There's no cure, no prescription, no miracle, nothing cures AGA.

I've taken viviscal for two months and so far I haven't noticed any difference in my hair. The pills are easy to take and I tolerate them well. I'll invest the full six month to see if they offer any improvement.

 I returned to nioxin. After I found the new spots I felt "maybe, just maybe" the new spots are from me stopping nioxin??? I could find no other correction. For months I have watched the price of nioxin tablets skyrocket to over $200, yes over $200! So I knew they had become out of my reach and honestly the price gouging played a part in my decision to stop taking them. I googled them again on Monday and found mercy! An obscure website with apparently just one bottle left at $39.99 plus shipping. I was very happy and took that as a sign that it was meant for me to stay on them as long as I can afford them. I'm back on them likely until I'm 80 or they stopped working.

I need a hair cut. I've known for months I need to let go of 3 inches minimum. I just can't do it. It's getting more and more difficult to manage the unruly dry and frayed ends but I know I'll feel worse when my hair is back to chin lenght and it will be more difficult to cover my concern areas. So I just can't right now. I just can't. Later~