Hanging on a halo

I haven't written in a while because honestly, it hurts too much.  When I think of what I want to share on this blog, I am forced to face how I really feel about the fact that I am losing my hair.  No woman I know wants to lose her hair, No matter the age. Sure, if you abuse it and it falls out, you will feel bad but ultimately you know it's your fault.  That's not the same as it falling out due to genetics or illness especially after you have treated it like fine china....It's just not.

A year ago, I wrote about a disastrous wash day with a clarifying shampoo.  Since then, my hair has been difficult. Nothing that I have done was able to stop the mass shed and unbelievable breakage. I caught it from both and I still have no idea what triggered any of it. I had to cut another 3 inches to make it look less straggly and I have neck length hair again.  Its still thinning, but I do see signs that I should have a little hope.

 It appears that my hair is changing textures. It's been happening for about a year where my long strands fall  out or break off and what grows back is much thinner and much much curler.  I guess my hair is in a transition.  AGA does that. It changes textures, closes follicles, thins hair and breaks hearts.... At least that's what's happened with me.

What's making this a teeny bit easier to accept is the one inch halo all over my head. I've been on my natural supplement regimen for a few months now and I see good progress. The hair loss on the right side is spreading to the left now and although I am sad over what's happening, it gives me a little lift to see the fuzzy hairs all over.  I'm guessing these to be new hair that is growing from follicles that previously lost hair that couldn't grow back.  I am hopeful that the halo will keep growing out and I can deal with the new hair, whatever it's going to look like.

Ready for 2013 to go....and hoping this halo holds.

~jkps

Thick headed

So back a couple of months ago, I was told that the herb fo to root, which was included in the hair supplement shen min, which I'd taken for 6 months... Was causing my hormones to go haywire and was the very likely cause of the deterioration, frizzy, limp, thinning condition of my hair.  I immediately stopped taking it and a few weeks later my hair felt more normal, it looked more normal than it had since December last year and I was happy. Or so I thought.

I still was having trouble believing that fo ti root could do such harm to my hair... Sooo I started back taking it... I still had a full bottle and I just had to know.   I mean all of those reviews couldn't be wrong and no one mentioned a problem like mine.  Maybe I got it wrong and it wasn't the shen min, but glycerin that was making my hair look fried. Well I gave up using glycerin based products on my hair since I read that it can make your hair dry and frizzy in certain climates. It took exactly three weeks for my hair to go back to that same frizzy, dry and unruly mess I've dealt with all summer.   I quickly flushed what I had left of shen min down the toilet so that I will never be tempted to take them again.  It turns out glycerin isn't good for my hair and neither is shen min.

The last two weeks or so after the purge, I've had minimal to zero frizz. My products work like they should and I'm not sad to look at my hair in a mirror.  Even on muggy days it looks more presentable and cared for than it has looked in a long time. My hair is soft, shiny, springy and is no longer breaking.  I'm so freaking happy and all I had to do was listen to my body and my hair.

In my effort to combat my hair loss, it seems sometimes I am easily blinded by what seems to work for others instead of sticking to what I know works for me. I see nothing wrong with trying what my wallet will allow me to in order to control my hair loss but sometimes I need to be reminded to pay attention to my body first and then my hair. That is what this little mini experiment was for me.    At least this time.. I didn't let my thick head cover up for too long what should have been obvious enough months ago.

Feeling so much better!

Jkps

Better

Things are better for me. Not necessarily with my hair but I've reduced some stress and worry in my life and I just feel better about a lot of things but especially my hair struggle. A few things have helped....

First I deleted all of my old hair videos. Since I am on a new quest to regrow my hair, I honestly saw no reason to torture myself by looking at year old videos and pictures of what once was. No need to keep looking back. I actually felt kind of freed. 

I've accepted my current status as a setback. I'm not going to claim the accelerated loss just yet.  It hasn't spread to my left side of head....yet so  maybe the right will recover. I'm giving it all the care  and  tenderness I can. Last week  I cut off two -three inches of hair from the left side hoping to make the imbalance less obvious. It helped just a little bit. I'm now apl on 3/4 of my head. It looks very off but I just cannot bear to  cut off thriving hair. I just keep it back as much as possible.   This setback has been a doosy. So far I've lost 6 inches of hair length since November 2012.  

I've been cleaning out my product stash. It's impressive enough for me to open a small store. Full of products I hated. But I've started using some as shave cream! Yep, works great! Leave my skin so smooth and soft. I've even gotten my husband to try them and he's happy too. I've notice that my stash is heavy protein... Clearly I don't need to buy another product unless it has absolutely no protein at all. Since I've had the hardest time finding those products that actually work on my hair... My product junkie ways have drastically improved.

I've given up on sulfur. I'm just one of those folks who can't get msm or topical sulphur to do a dang thing for me. I've used up the growth aids (hair trigger, liquid gold, njoy) that I've purchased and won't repurchase.  

I now wash my hair standing over my tub as opposed to over my sink. I'm almost upside down and  I get dizzy but I figûre hey... Twice a week ill give the inversion method a try. Although I haven't gotten two inches in week or even a month... There is something to getting extra blood to rush to my scalp. Plus, I get much less tangles and find my hair is much smoother.

So I'm better.  I'm not sure if its all my attitude or adjustments and it doesn't matter to me. I'm just glad to be able to say it.

Later~ jkps

Up from here

I've had a little time to process my shen min issue. It still stings but I've come to realize that this episode is just a battle in the war of AGA. There's no cure for AGA. So those of us fighting not to lose our hair to this condition are left with countless pages of false claims, snake oils, fake reviews and failed experiments. Sometimes we win the battle and sometime we lose, but as long as I still have hair... I am still fighting. The war continues.

 I've had some successes in my plight and I wouldn't change that for the world. The set backs such as this one with shen min is minor in the larger scheme of things... I still have hair on my head, I didn't and haven't gotten physically ill from any of the supplements and herbs I've tried and I still have hair.  That's where I am, I still have hair. I am still in the fight. Even if shen min and fo ti root arent the real cause of the deterioration of my hair, The fact is, my hair isn't better since I started taking them, which means they were not helping at all. So I've developed a new plan free of any hormone affecting supplements and I hope to see a marked betterment in my hair. 

 My current supplements regimen is as follows: Fish oil,  Evening primrose oil, Biosil, Yasmin, Phytospecifc and Toji.

 With the exception of toji, when I was on this regimen, I had the most positive results for my non thinning hair. I've taken the top 4 for years and phytospecific for a year ending mid 2012 when I had the thickest and healthiest strands since I was diagnosed almost 7 years ago. At that time, I was focused solely on my bald spots which these did not help. Now restoring my non balding strands is my primary goal so I'm going back to what worked for me.  For the bald spots, I'll stick with toji, since it has dht blockers. I'm entering month 3 and still can't honestly say the product helps. If at the end of my 6 month trial I see no improvement I don't know what I will do, but I'm sure I will have come up with something by then.

 I finally relaxed my hair@16 weeks. My longest stretch ever. I still have plenty of texture and my hair is no where near bone straight which is good. I lost very little hair in the process and my bald spots are still relatively hidden. Discontinuing my relaxer applications is a consideration for my future, especially if I continue upping the stretches. I mean, what's to relax if all of it is thin and easily managed? 

 "Headed up" ~ jkps

Shen Min ~ say what?

So, since I am just too outdone by the sudden acceleration of my AGA and the very brittle, breaking and frizzy condition of my hair.  I decided to speak to a herbalist.  Why? well, just because I haven't given up the fight ...yet.

I took everything I am taking in for review..... I complained that in the last 6-7 months, my hair has transformed from long healthy and smooth to stringy, frizzy and breaking.  I explained my AGA seemed under control and just suddenly went haywire.  I have no new balding...but my progress and thickening on my current trouble areas seemed to have halted and the strands seem thin.

Of course I got a "side eye"from her...me standing there with what seems like a thick healthy head full of hair.  Then I show her my videos......and side eye ended. It's obvious looking at my video diary and looking at my hair now...that something happened.  

She looked closely at my hair and scalp. She empathized with my plight and seemed truly interested in helping me get answers.After looking over the various hair supplements, vitamins and herbs I currently take....she dropped me to my knees when she said....its the FO TI ROOT.  Say what?, I asked.  Then like a a tv movie a flash back to me back in December starting aphogee hair vitamins and then Shen min...both with the main ingredient being fo ti root..... my hair has gotten worse and worse since I started taking them!  Sick to my stomach.. I asked why?... How can an herb touted by so many for hair thickening and growth have the opposite effect on me?

Apparently, Fo ti Root is great for growing hair, stop hair fall and gray reversal...for some.  For others...the high estrogen content can wreck havoc on hair and skin.  Say what?!  She says that the Shen min that I have been taking seems to have caused an imbalance in my hormones that my body cannot correct.  It is most likely what is giving me the new and unwelcomed problems with my hair's condition and texture. She recommended I stop Shen Min immediately give it a few months and see if she is correct. Everything else I take like fish oil, evening primrose, biosil etc. seemed ok to continue.

Floored isn't enough of a  word.  The number one rule of those like me in the AGA fight is to balance hormones and keep them balanced.  I take oral contraceptives on an 80 day cycle to make sure mine stay the same.  I had no idea that fo ti root had such a high estrogen content and no idea that it could send the hormone balance I'd worked so hard to get into complete chaos. no idea.

At home, I spend the next few days reading everything I could about fo ti root and its high estrogen content and estrogen itself.  I guess it explains why some women take it and see miraculous results and others see nothing.  Each of us is different with our own perfect make up of hormones.  Some need more and some need less. Mine have to be in complete balance is what I was told years ago when I was first diagnosed.  If she is correct about Shen Min... its sad that I didn't dig deep enough before I took it.

I'm not mad.  It's not anyone's fault but my own. It was worth a try taking shen min as with all of the others I have taken over the years.  This is the first time getting knocked on my butt though and it hurts.   Shen min is gone and I've started what I hope will be a recovery.  If she is right, my hair texture should return to normal in 2-3 months.  Maybe the thinning and breakage will cease too. I certainly hope so. I've tried so many hair vitamins, herbs and supplements.  I researched each and every one until I was sure it would first do no harm and second ...have a chance to slow my AGA.  Shen min seems to have gotten past me.

Hard to believe.  Harder to accept. 

up from here....JKPS

No Cause for Ce'li'bre

Greetings all and I hope that you are well.

An update on my hair. I'm 15.5 weeks post relaxer.   I'm experiencing very little breakage  and I have about an 1' of new growth but only in the top of my head.  15 weeks post and still comb-able, tangle free  hair would be a cause for ce'le'bre' in most hair blog circles. In mine, its mind boggling and unsettling. I've not been able to get past 12 weeks before now without serious repercussions.  Now my head of hair has changed textures and thinned out right before my eyes. Its hard to celebrate a relaxer stretch when the top, edges, sides and nape of my hair is quietly thinning.  There is very little new growth visible and the ends are limp and frizzy.  It appears my hair is becoming finer and finer at the roots, which may explain how I am 15 weeks post relaxer and honestly don't see a re-touch in my future.  Why would I? I have more scalp showing mostly on my right side and I guess the follicles aren't producing new hair, which creates the bald spots. I guess what's happening is that the follicles that I do have very slowly and over time have closed up and the strand falls out, but does not produce another hair.  Its torturous to look at. The left side is still normal and so far unaffected.  What ever is happening is happening to the right  and right middle of my hair hasn't started on the left yet, so its longer, thicker and thriving.  Crazy torturous.

So I guess this is it.  I'm on a countdown.  I can't even put into words.

This week I decided to blow dry my hair on low heat and low heat flat iron.  I lost noticeably less hair during this process than my beloved roller set.  Overall  it dried pretty well and seemed thick.  The ends looked bad as all of the breakage and thinning I've dealt with over the last 6 months has definitely taken its toll. My hair is straggly and thin.  I'm  currently 1 inch from bra strap length and I'm not cutting until the fall.  I keep it back in a pony tail or in a bun.  I've decided to try and give my hair fall plenty of time to finish so that I can just do one big cut.  Its isn't going to make me happy so I would rather just do it once.

Overall, I am remarkably calm and tear free.  Its been a long time coming.  When I think of how much I have agonized over this portion of my life, I am emotionally exhausted and honestly, just ready to get it over with.

later~ jkps

Who does that?

Funny true story...

I'm at a brunch party being hosted by one of my best girls. Her guests included our core group plus new friends of hers too. It was extremely nice and well organized. I was seated next to a friend of hers who I've met a few times but I don't really know.  No lie... Out of nowhere....This girl started pulling and fluffing my freakin' hair right there as we all sat at the table waiting to eat!! Why??? Why would someone do that?? We are all grown... Personal space and social protocols are clearly defined and accepted at our age right? Who just starts flipping and fluffing someone else's hair at the food table no less??????  

But it gets worse... My hair is so fragile right now that if I so much as look at it the wrong way, it breaks. When this girl fluffed and pulled my hair, little pieces were left on my shoulder and back! She then proceeded to pick off the hair and throw it in the floor!!! I was compelled shocked and mortified!!! Who-does- this!!??? I looked at her and mumbled thank you (for getting the hair off my shoulder)... All the while thinking. "Yeah the ones you broke when you assaulted me by mishandling my hair without an invitation" and "shouldn't you go wash your hands before you eat"? "Geez where were you raised, where that's ok to do?"

Now at the time I was so upset that I wanted to smack this girl. I'm not violent and I've never hit another person in anger in my life.... but I really wanted to. Of course she's sitting there with long healthy hair down her back.... But that makes no difference in this scenario. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to leave.  I didn't  make eye contact with anyone at the table to know if anyone else saw the scene. I didn't leave but I wanted to cry. It was a tough day. 

I understand that my stupid hair struggle is my own. Deep down I thought maybe she felt I would feel complemented by her fluffing my hair... I mean it was very soft and fluffy and I'm  sure she had no idea it would break so easily. I don't try to make anyone understand how I feel and I've stopped talking about it. Part of me wishes I had the courage to shave it all off. That way I'm not constantly reminded of what was or what could have been.  These everyday issues are getting to be too much to deal with.  

It's ok if my story seems chuckle worthy to you.  Honestly, the absurdity of it makes me laugh too. But just a little. ... 

Later~jkps