Ambushed

AGA is a nasty condition to have for any person, man or woman. But a woman, especially one whose has enjoyed a decent amount of happiness associated with it....to lose hair....theres so much more than the hairl loss when it goes.

The randomness, the silence, the inevitability of the hair loss has been crippling for me. My ego, my self awareness and my esteem have been badly damaged as  I struggle with my emotions, often becoming so disgusted with my head that I am moved to tears.

Last night I was out with friends... sitting in a lounge, enjoying the music,  I was happy and having a good time.  I wasn't the least bit of disappointed  or concerned with the appearance of my hair.  I happened to touch my hair to shift it from my neck and it that moment, all of my angst came flooding into my good spirit...I felt a new, completely bald spot on my head.  This occurrence has happened quite frequently but  I will never get use to the feeling, or the surprise. I sat there touching it, feeling so surpised to find it there, wondering if anyone could see it. I have about 6 areas of serious difuse and nearly smooth areas, its getting pretty hard to hide them all.

So I was ambushed again....brought back to the awareness of my situation.  Right there, I was done. I immediately wanted to leave and head home.  In these moments there is no comfort for me.  Nothing can be said.  I just try to keep moving....but not before I cry it out a bit.

I will try to end on a positive note...I had a happy moment yesterday when I saw this photo of my hair.  No smooth spots visible.

~ later