pictures...

The first photo shows the diffuse thinning to the back of my head.  My hair around the area is healthy, but there's no hair on the smooth shiny spot.  ( its not a part)

winter 2011

In this photo, my hair has grown considerably.  Its shiny, vibrant and thicker.  The smooth spot is covered by the thicker surrounding hair but is still there along with about 5 other smiliar spots on my scalp.

may 2012

top of head

Acknowlegements

I have a tendency to be I overly self aware. ( um vanity ? Hello!) but lately I must make a  few self acknowledgments.

1. I acknowledge that my hair is thriving! The focus, attention and drive I have given my hair for the last year has been nothing short of commendable. I am happy most days as I look in the mirror and see my hair thickening, shining and growing. I can feel it growing down my back and I know I got something right.

2. I acknowledge that my hair is more than just the bald parts. No, the bald smooth spots never grew back. But what did happen is that the hair surrounding all of the spots has flourished making them a lot less obvious to me.

3. I acknowledge that it is ok to be concerned with my hair and that it doesn't make me any different than any other woman to be upset over the appearance of hair.

4. I acknowledge that although things are looking up, I will never give up on my hair. Never stop trying to make it look it's best.

 So I'll carry on with what some could consider madness or obsession about my hair. I'll keep oiling, steaming and deep conditioning until kingdom come... Or I decide I'm over it all. Either way its my hobby and important to me so I'll keep on moving!

 Later~ Jkps

Video Honesty

I started recording myself on my ipad about two months ago. It has become a good hair diary providing a solid look back at my hair on  a regular basis. A few observations, first, I am very critical of my hair but very honest and sincere. I.e. if it feels like straw, I say so. Second, my hair is thickening and growing and has vitality, despite the thinning. Yes the bare spots are very visible beneath the dark hair but at least I stop crying. I try my best to make sure my hair looks and feels the best possible. So here's to having a more positive outlook despite my challenges. Yes I'm thinning and ultimately will be bald, but right now it doesn't look so bad. Later

Progress is relative

I don't want to feel ungrateful for the growth I have. My hair is growing, but only in the parts that aren't balding. So I have the bare spots all over that haven't responded to any treatment. All around them is growing hair. It makes my hair look like weave. A bad one at that. I've been taking viviscal for about 10 days. Of course I haven't noticed any results of any kind yet but I'm in it for the long haul, so,we will see. In my fantasy, viviscal causes hair in the bald spots to sprout and grow. In reality I don't I think it will happen. I'll just keep perfecting this mullet that I'm growing until I can't stand it anymore and start wearing a wig. (shudder at the thought) I keep referring to my mullet so let me describe: my hair is very thin and short in the front. ( cheek lenght) The sides are slightly thicker, string and slightly longer.(collarbone lenght). The back is the thickest and hits at 1" inch above my bra strap. Picture ? So it's all relative. I guess I should just be happy for any progress and just keep it moving.

Decisions

Ive been taking a lot of supplements for a long time. Consistently for about 3 years. This morning I decided to give up on some of them. Nioxin biosik and phytospecific.


Nioxin

This has shown minimal results for me. No real growth increase but the small hairline hairs seem to be the only response. So I have 27 pills left and I'm thinking of stopping immediately. Not waiting any longer. I feel that fed up. Besides they've change the formula and I really do not want to keep taking these.

Biosil

At first I thought I noticed increase shine and thickness. I realize now. Is not having any effect on my hair, skin or nails. A have taken it since August. That's long enough.

Phytospecific

Iv actually gotten the best results from taking this. Again long term about 8 months, only moderate results. I have about 3 months left so I'll see if my opinion changes between now and then.

I've decided to replace these three with viviscal as a last ditch effort. A very expensive one.

I'm very discouraged and broke.

Exhaustion

Ive been thinning for about three years. I've been consistently taking hair growth supplements for most of that time and I am exhausted! My hair looks ok visibly. You cant see the shiny parts unless you look close. I've had some growth but nothing like I would have expected from someone taking as much as I am. I am swallowing serious B, biosil, wheat germ oil, phytospecific, nioxin, fish oil ,biotin and bcp. I'm still balding and my hair grows less than 1/8 a month. 1/8!!!!! I should be getting 1/2 inch at least! Sigh. Discouraged. In 2.5 years I've only gained/retained about 6 inches in the back and 2 in the front. M

My resolve is gone. When I say consistently I mean every day and every night 6-10 pills a day.

I feel like I'm wasting my money, my time. Inevitably I will be bald. These vitamins/supplements seem to just be holding back the loss. Seems that my hair just wants to fall despite what I'm taking. I don't know what to do.

Stress!

I wish to the highest power that I could remove the stress from my life and find comfort and peace. It's been 8 years since I started on the path to the most disappointing and stressful time I've ever known. When I think of this I cannot help but associate my hair loss to this enormous and unrelenting stress in my life. My first pregnancy was not like I thought it would be with glorious hair I growth...nope, my hair fell out to within inches of my scalp. Devastation on top of devastation. I had never felt lower in my life.

As I think about this hair loss fiasco... Stress has been a factor for the the entire time I've struggled. I get so angry with myself that I cannot put into words. The powerless feeling of being trapped and mired in never ending stress. And I have the nerve to wonder why my hair is in such bad shape.

Surviving. Not persevering.
Searching for real answers..

Later