Who does that?

Funny true story...

I'm at a brunch party being hosted by one of my best girls. Her guests included our core group plus new friends of hers too. It was extremely nice and well organized. I was seated next to a friend of hers who I've met a few times but I don't really know.  No lie... Out of nowhere....This girl started pulling and fluffing my freakin' hair right there as we all sat at the table waiting to eat!! Why??? Why would someone do that?? We are all grown... Personal space and social protocols are clearly defined and accepted at our age right? Who just starts flipping and fluffing someone else's hair at the food table no less??????  

But it gets worse... My hair is so fragile right now that if I so much as look at it the wrong way, it breaks. When this girl fluffed and pulled my hair, little pieces were left on my shoulder and back! She then proceeded to pick off the hair and throw it in the floor!!! I was compelled shocked and mortified!!! Who-does- this!!??? I looked at her and mumbled thank you (for getting the hair off my shoulder)... All the while thinking. "Yeah the ones you broke when you assaulted me by mishandling my hair without an invitation" and "shouldn't you go wash your hands before you eat"? "Geez where were you raised, where that's ok to do?"

Now at the time I was so upset that I wanted to smack this girl. I'm not violent and I've never hit another person in anger in my life.... but I really wanted to. Of course she's sitting there with long healthy hair down her back.... But that makes no difference in this scenario. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to leave.  I didn't  make eye contact with anyone at the table to know if anyone else saw the scene. I didn't leave but I wanted to cry. It was a tough day. 

I understand that my stupid hair struggle is my own. Deep down I thought maybe she felt I would feel complemented by her fluffing my hair... I mean it was very soft and fluffy and I'm  sure she had no idea it would break so easily. I don't try to make anyone understand how I feel and I've stopped talking about it. Part of me wishes I had the courage to shave it all off. That way I'm not constantly reminded of what was or what could have been.  These everyday issues are getting to be too much to deal with.  

It's ok if my story seems chuckle worthy to you.  Honestly, the absurdity of it makes me laugh too. But just a little. ... 

Later~jkps 

Eulogies

At dinner with my best girl a few weeks ago, a hair of mine came out. A long one. As I sat there shamelessly evaluating the strand. She asked "what are you doing?" I laughed... Hard.

Every time I lose a strand of hair.. I pick it up and evaluate it for condition. bulb, length etc. I'm sure I don't catch them all but when I do... Each one gets a nice evaluation of its life, it's strength, it's purpose in my life.  A eulogy of sorts.  I then let it go in the wind, hoping it lands in a birds nest somewhere where it can be of some use.  When I told her this... She laughed hard! I had to laugh too at the absurdity of it all.  I asked her if it bothered her to see hers come out... she says  that she had so many and so much shedding that she just balls it up and throws it in the trash. I asked how much?... She said gobs!  Every wash!  This made me think.... I'd have a heart attack if I had gobs at every wash... Literally die of shock.

This was a good laugh.  My friend isn't losing her hair... She doesn't pretend I'm not losing mine either.  She has long fine, curly tresses that's she doesn't care all that much about... Funny thing... I am not envious of her hair at all.  We laugh all of the time about my obsession with my hair and my product junki-ism. She also regularly seeks out my "expertise" with hers. Honestly... I need these laughs and questions... gloves off and all. I appreciate  the support, tough love and support that I get from my mom, my husband and all of my friends.  

Every now and again I remember that's there's many more important parts of my life than my hair or lack thereof.  Love and Support are huge!   I still like to eulogize those lost stands though! Lol!


Later~

The kitchen sink

When all else seems to fail, there always the kitchen sink. Lord knows I've thrown it at my hair loss!  I literally feel like I'm in a fight against my entire body for my one head of hair. It's actually rather funny when I visualize it.

Someone asked what I've tried so far to battle my hair loss. After I chuckled in embarrassment... I thought I write down exactly what I've taken so far and what, if any effect it had on my AGA. I've chosen not to take prescription drugs for my AGA out of fear of side effects worse than having thinning hair.  Everything i've tried is supposed to be natural.  Here goes:

Phytophanere- worked wonders for my still growing hair but had no effect on my balding. It was expensive too at 50$ a 60 day bottle. I took it for a year and kept the hair I'd grown during that time...until  now.

Phytospecific- same as phytophanere  for me, another year in. Very pricey at 50$ for a 30 package.

Nioxin- The most effective hair supplement ever for me. Worked like a charm on my bald spots but not really on my non-struggling strands. I took it 3+ years it until it was mysteriously discontinued. When I stopped, my hair loss drastically increased.

Nioxin follicle booster-worked great, lost all of the hair grown once I stopped using it.

Msm- zip, nada. Took it 1 year.

Fish oil- Gives me shiner hair but nothing on the balding. I take it now for my dry eyes.

Wheat germ oil- shinier hair that's it. Took it 1 year.

Evening primrose- shinier hair, eased mood, better sleep. Nothing on growth or balding.

Flax seed oil-  no effect and increase my bloating. I stopped at 5 months and bloating ended.

Mega-tek- dried out my hair, heavy breakage
Liquid gold- hated the smell
Njoys growth mix- no results using twice weekly, 6 months.
Castor oil- maybe it worked, I still use it
Bhringraj oil - no results after 8 months
Emu oil- no results after one year
Hempseed- no effect on hair growth, great for prepoo
Wheatgerm oil- no effect on hair regrowth, great fir prepoo
Grapeseed oil- no effect on hair growth
Blackseed  oil- still using, time will tell.

Alter ego drops- no results
Crece pele drops- no results
Phytospecific drops- no results

Biotin- no effect what so ever on my hair, skin or nail. Took it 2 years.

Purvana- healthier looking hair but no increase in growth and no effect on balding.

Visviscal- very very minor growth rate increase but nothing on my balding. I took this one a solid year.

Hair omega- in the first six months definite increase in hair growth, fuzz in bald spots, and thicker hair.... Then it just stopped working. Took it another 6 months, and quit when my hair started to fall out. Also it tasted awful!

Hairomega dht- I've taken this a full year. I have no new bald spots since I started this one.

Healthy hair- took 7 months.... Some increase in growth but nothing drastic. No effect on balding.

Priteva- I took this 6 months, hoping for some of the nioxin effect, based on the ingredients listed but nothing. No increase in growth or decrease in hair fall.

Biosil- no effect on bald spots but I felt my hair was shiny when I took it. Took it 2 years.

Aphogee- 5months.  no real results and the hair fall continues. Ended with no results. 

Shen min- entering month 3... Nothing noticeable yet.

Toji- entering third week.

Acv rinses- hair looks better, scalp tingles time will tell.

So..... As crazy as this looks, I honestly believe it all had to be done.  Always hopeful...I'll try and try until I'm bald. Who knows... Maybe nioxin will return to the market or something might actually work.

Later~

Writing again

.Hi everyone,


I stopped writing a while ago because I thought that it just hurt too much to write the words I felt. I've spent the last few months in sadness and pain because:

I'm losing my hair rapidly;
I am unable to find the understanding, compassion and empathy that I need to help ease my pain;
I have no one to talk to and therefore the pain just sits on my heart and drowns my spirit.

So I've decided that it hurts less to write.

 I'm still losing my hair. The mass shed started about November of last year. My texture just changed. While I thought it weird... I figured it would normalize soon.  I have AGA- androgenetic alopecia ( male pattern baldness) and for the last four years I have been in a battle to stop my hair loss and grow my hair back.  Some days were better than others but I was hanging in there.  I figured I would just deal with the different the different texture but keep my growth. It didn't happen.

In December I clarified my hair using a product I'd used several times before without incident. My hair tangled and matted so badly unlike anything id ever seen.  I was in shock. At the end of my hours long effort to undo the damage, my hair was dead. Limp, frayed , dead. Since then I have lost most of those strands. They just fall off of my head, daily.   I wracked my brain to find a answer... Ending nioxin? Too much omega 6? Flax seed oil? Stress?  I corrected all of the possibilities and still my hair falls from my head. I've  kept up my trims and protein and moisture treatments trying to save my hair but so far nothing has worked. I've lost half of my hair's thickness and  I went from one inch to bra strap length to shoulder length in two months.   The loss is still occurring. My doctor was no help...Turns out AGA not only gets your scalp hair but it shrivels your ends too.

It's June and my strand's texture is frayed and broken off on the entire right side and middle of my head. It's just past chin length in a straight line starting at my ear and ending at my nape. The hair is just gone.. I don't cry nearly as much as I want to but it hurts so very bad to see it. I try to keep it in a updo or pony tale so that no one sees. Going out is traumatic so I just try not to.

So I'll be back to updating my blog with my daily pain, efforts, regimen and any glimmer of hope that I have hit the bottom so I can start coming back. I grew my hair long despite AGA and it's been hard to accept  that it has ravaged my hair anyway.

Jkps

goodbye

It's been a hard few weeks for my hair with unstoppable hair loss and shedding.  I've thrown everything I can get my hands on but all failed to stop what is happening. My hair is literally shriveling up and falling off of my head.  What I have left are stringy, dry and broken strands.  No thickness at all. It took just four weeks to get to this point. I first thought it was my vitamins, then my products and then habits, I know is that nine of it matters as my aga has taken over.

Something happened. I don't know what but my guess is my hormone and stress went haywire and my hair is showing the damage. I haven't cried because well... I can't. I'm all cried out and there's absolutely nothing else I can do.

So I guess it's goodbye. I can't stand to think about my hair loss let alone write about it anymore. Maybe when I get to the bottom I will check back in but now I am too filled with sorrow.

Thanks for reading my blog.

Jkps

hard on myself

Its taken some time, but  I have stopped being so hard on myself for the hair breakage.  Its still very hard to  look at but I am hoping for some recovery now that I think I had a pretty good idea what happened.  Funny, when I took all of the products from my ( shamefully) huge hair stash back to sally's and Ulta...I got zero push back. I mean no receipt and all....no push back. Over 100$ in store credits but they have my business for life.

Things are ok with my hair.  Its really thick....except for "the area" as I will call it until it recovers.  The lower 4 inches that I did not relax back in January are screaming for a relaxer  I am glad I was able to give the area a break.  I spend a lot of time oiling it to prevent breakage and so far so good.

I am having a hard time with what might have been......if I could have prevented this set back....how satisfied I would be with my hair for the first time in 9 years.  I try not to dwell....its hard.

If any of this was AGA related I probably wouldn't be so angry...because that is out of my control...but my product junkie-ism is totally within my control. That is what I believe led me to the dreadful products....that were harmful to my hair.  Its still a work in progress...as I still feel the need to discover that perfect product that really leaves my hair soft and manageable every time.

eh....still working...

Ding ding ding!!!

Bells are going off all over my bathroom vanity today. For months I have struggled to gain control of the dry, prickly feeling of my hair. I've spent countless of hundreds of dollars buying products to soften my tresses with some success but mostly failure. Last night I freakin' figured out why.


My hair has been breaking in one section for months and now is very thin and fried looking, mostly on one side but generally all over.  It's not heat damage because I haven't applied direct heat in almost a year. I believe it is is damaged from isopropyl alcohol in my "go-to" styling products. For months I've been applying extra product to the right side of my head, it would grow but the ends would just look frayed. Baffled I purchased a conditioner that was supposed to remedy this. Instead of doing so, it made my hair a crunchy prickly mess. Why??? Argan oil was the primary oil and it's the one oil that consistently works only hair.  When I read the ingredients... there was isopropyl alcohol! Furious with myself for not noticing sooner, I rinsed again and then  I used a product that usually worked to detangle my hair... When it didn't, I looked at the ingredients... Sure enough isopropyl alcohol! WTF!? I rinsed it out and applied another product this had none.... My hair was soft finally.

Looking through my leave ins... Six of them altogether... Three have isopropyl alcohol. Yes!!!! Ding ding ding!  My hair is brittle because I am layering products into it every week that contain rubbing alcohol!!!!! Every week no matter what wonderful deep conditioners used... All of the softness was negated when I applied the leave in ith alcohol in it. I couldn't see it week to week as my hair was shiny and seemed healthy. I just couldn't understand why two days later it would be so brittle.

So! I've boxed up all the products. I will never apply them again. I will be a fanatical label reader going foreword so that harsh products never again end up on my hair. Now how to reverse the damage!

Smh~ Jkps